A Modest Proposal: Solving Our Oil Problem

You can almost picture how the history books are going to describe what we must do. Our decision is, you know, an economic imperative. At this point, we’ve got no choice — not unless we want to return to the days of horse-and-buggy. 

The Arabs won’t cooperate, even though they have more money than they could ever spend. And even though they know they’re completely wrecking our economy with high oil prices they still won’t cut us a break. So, when gas gets to, like, $5 a gallon and it costs $300 to get to Vegas from LA, and a loaf of bread runs $8, and every industry is basically crippled because of rising energy prices, we just go ahead and march all our soldiers out of Iraq and Afghanistan and colonize Saudi Arabia, and anyplace else that won’t sell us oil at, say, $50-a-gallon. Which is a reasonable price.

You know, the British and the Dutch and everyone else did it back in the day. I mean we were a colony at one point. Remember? 1776? And it’s not like we didn’t give all the OPEC countries a chance. We told them: Sell that oil for less or we’re going to be forced to do something we really don’t want to have to do. Your choice.

And obviously they’re continuing to choose wrong, which is why in 2050 Riyadh is going to look like Phoenix.

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