Aphorisms, Epigrams, and Such

The truly wise man aspires to be ignorant.

Women who say they prefer chocolate to sex either have bad sex lives or exceptionally great chocolate.

Male nipples simultaneously disprove evolution and intelligent design.

Marriage is the most reliable curative for hopelessly incurable romantics.

People who frequently “need to vent” to friends usually have previously failed to say what they really mean to those who inspired their need to vent.

Behind every vast fortune is a master criminal calling himself something else.

Those who employ the locution “eats like a bird” do not have backyard bird feeders in need of daily re-filling.

The most dangerous people are those who dedicate their lives to protecting people from themselves.

Sportscasters who frequently use the phrase “sacrifice his body” don’t understand what the word sacrifice means.

Professional athletes are paid handsomely not for their ability to throw or kick a ball, but for their ability to distract us from all the vexing stuff that matters.

Billionaires and social justice make strange bedfellows.

People who like jazz don’t like smooth jazz, and people who like smooth jazz don’t like jazz, but everyone likes smooth.

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2 Responses

  1. leebowman says:

    “People who frequently “need to vent” usually fail to say what they really mean to those who inspire the need to vent.”

    Could that be ’cause they get detracted by their ranting rhetoric? I think the key here is to focus on the points you wish to profer, rather than non-relevant ones, especially silly metaphors.

    But I couldn’t help but comment on this one:

    “Male nipples simultaneously disprove evolution and intelligent design.”

    True as a refutation of evolution, IF … they offered ‘no selective advantage’. But they do. Along with the nipples go a lymphatic system and mammary glands, AND properly stimulated, they lactate! YES … if the woman succumbs, the male can lactate to a degree, and aid in the progeny’s survival.

    But let’s go further with the design argument. The reproductive organs are obviously completely different, so that they function as intended (designed). But why go on organ further, by eliminating nipples and lactating olfactories for the male, since this adds untoward complexity to the embryo process. Due to occasional hox gene malfunctions, adding this complexity could also lead to occasional deletion of the breast function in females, not just males.

    To conclude, male nipples are a splendid example of intelligent design and purpose, despite the outcries of evolutionary fanatics!

    Cheers

  2. LDE says:

    Ever thought about writing a book someday? (LOL)