Buy American (Weed)

With gasoline prices hovering near historic highs, many Americans (and the commentators that inspire their opinions) profess outrage, umbrage, and annoyance that so many of our increasingly worthless dollars are being sent overseas, further enriching Middle Eastern oil barons who hate us and our morally decadent way of life. According to conventional wisdom, every time we fill up our Chevy Trailblazers and Ford Explorers, some fellow in Riyadh or Tehran earns more money with which he can fund Islamic terrorists. 

Same deal with China and Russia: They buy our debt, they sell us cheap goods, and they financial balance of power tilts inexorably toward regimes that despise (and will eventually dominate) the United States.

The solution — aside from the unthinkable option of consuming less of everything and terminating various “wars” that have effectively bankrupted our treasury — is to go American. Buy American products. Drill American oil (in protected wilderness areas). Keep it in the family.

If you subscribe to this way of thinking, which seems reasonable enough, especially if you believe there’s a fundamental difference between American-style acquisitiveness and everyone else’s, you would best serve your fiduciary goals by switching recreational drugs (legal and otherwise) to marijuana.

Alcohol, in the form of spirits and beer, is controlled by companies based in Belgium, France, and South Africa. Coffee, of course, is primarily a product of Central and South America. And cocaine, manufactured primarily in Colombia, arrives on our virgin shores through several key gateway nations, chief among them Venezuela, whose leader, Hugo Chavez, hates America as much as his Cuban buddy Fidel Castro. “Drug flights” transporting South American cocaine from Venezuela to the USA, according to a recently released federal report, have increased 44% this year. (Chavez stopped cooperating with American drug interdiction efforts in 2005.) Simultaneously, as the price of crude oil has skyrocketed, the world economy has transformed an irksome Marxist windbag from an irrelevant regional noisemaker into a rapidly enriched powerbroker.

We buy his oil; we buy his coke.

According to a 2005 State Department report, America’s annual marijuana harvest is an estimated 22-million lbs., making pot our country’s leading cash crop, ahead of corn. California’s production alone is worth $14-billion. This fragrant weed doesn’t go to waste. Our largest state has 200,000 physician-approved “patients,” who smoke ganja legally, with the blessing of their local government. Eleven other states have medical marijuana laws; these folks, plus the millions that enjoy pot without a doctor’s prescription, are part of the estimated 100-million Americans who have either experimented with or continue to use marijuana. And the nicest part — aside from the mellow high — is that these pot smokers are largely buying American, keeping dollars at home, where they belong.

Stop snorting. Stop sipping. Start toking. Do your part to keep America on top.

You may also like...