Israel’s Final Solution

Conflict Ender

Enough already. We’re sick and tired of hearing about the conflict in Gaza, especially when there’s a new turtle movie coming out.

Sure, our tax dollars pay for Israeli and Egyptian weaponry, and, yeah, OK, that sort of makes us involved. But, really, what does this decades-old grudge match have to do with us here in America? Can’t it just end so our newspapers can return to reporting good news, like the discovery of more frackable shale in North Dakota?

Supposedly there’s no way out of this deplorable situation. Supposedly there’s no answer acceptable to all three parties (Hamas, Israel, and USA). Upon first and repeated consideration, that seems about right. Water and oil will never mix – unless you add a bonding agent, but never mind. It’s a foregone conclusion: Israel and Hamas will never come to terms.

Have you not read the Hamas Covenant? Are . . . → Read More: Israel’s Final Solution

Religious Champions of Discrimination

rights can't wait

America’s religious leaders, some of the most esteemed and respectable citizens in our republic, are helping us understand that our precious freedoms — the ones our brave soldiers fight and die for in faraway dust bowls most of us can’t find on a map — are once again under attack. This time the perpetrator isn’t a hairy Muslim in pajamas or an angry white guy with an automatic weapon and the phrase “2nd Amendment is 1st in My Heart” tattooed on his shoulder. This time it’s the White House.

President Barack Obama issued an executive order this week that barred anyone doing business with the United States government from discriminating against lesbians, gays, bisexuals, or transgendered Americans. The upshot: if you want to hang onto your tax exemptions, government contracts and subsidies, you must hire the ungodly and unworthy, the sodomites and Sapphos and freaks.

Now, this . . . → Read More: Religious Champions of Discrimination

Redskins Forever!


The Washington Redskins have the coolest nickname in all of sports. Their logo – a stone-faced Indian wearing 19th Century feathers – is also pretty awesome.

Here’s how you know the name “Redskins” isn’t a slur against a conquered and marginalized people but is actually a part of the NFL’s long tradition of diversity and inclusion, on and off the field: a league spokesman said, “The intent of the team’s name has always been to present a strong, positive, and respectful image.”

Exactly. It’s not like they’re called the “Injuns,” or the “Savages,” or the “Inferior Race of People Who Couldn’t Stop the White Man’s Invasion.” It’s Redskins, as in the color of skin most of those people have. I mean, look at the helmet! Reddish skin is an honest description. Just like if you had a team of African Masai warriors, you could accurately call them . . . → Read More: Redskins Forever!

Poem: Ordered Correctly

paparazzi  know where to look

Someone famous kissed another girl.

Someone fabulous tripped on a red carpet.

Someone infamous professes shame about her fellatiatic indiscretions.

And someone fantastically sexy is prepared to make “revealing” confessions (on a TV show).

Which is why almost no one will read this poem.

A poem about what doesn’t matter.

Like a country far away without oil.

Exhale with relief.

This arrangement, we’ve all come to understand gradually,

Is the way it ought to be.

Perfectly calibrated.

Ordered correctly.

Why We Can’t Stop Shooting

it couldn't happen here


Since democracy is the best system ever to honor the concept of “innocent before proven guilty,” nearly 300,000 Californians voted for Leland Yee to be our next Secretary of State. His tally came as somewhat of a surprise, considering that Yee had officially dropped out of the race after being indicted on federal bribery and gun-running charges. NRA members, who sensed a brother in harm’s way, may have come to the ballot box in defense of their comrade-in-arms. Or maybe disaffected voters figured that Yee’s recusal made him a kind of rebel, and we all know how sexy that can be. Either way, affecting substantive policy changes at the ballot box is looking about as likely as Team USA winning the 2014 World Cup. Meanwhile, the young bodies keep piling up, like so many carcasses ready for . . . → Read More: Why We Can’t Stop Shooting

We’re Not Qualified

earth sun

Look, we’re not qualified to discuss the scientific data on the sun. We don’t have that kind of education. That’s for specialists to debate among themselves. All we know is that there’s a strong case for the sun being the “center” of our galaxy and an equally strong case for us, Earth, being the “center” of the galaxy. Obviously, it’s all very complicated. Rushing to final judgment on this issue would be a mistake.

And why does it even have to be an issue? Can’t we all just agree to disagree? Respect everyone’s point of view, even if it’s not outlined in the Bible?

It’s not like we’re claiming the sun isn’t the center of our galaxy. We’re just saying there’s some very strong data out there that makes you wonder…and isn’t skepticism one of the lynchpins of scientific inquiry?

Also – and you’ve got to be . . . → Read More: We’re Not Qualified

In Memoriam

soldier funeral

Because Monday is the one day a year we set aside to remember our brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, strangers and friends who have perished while serving our great country by killing other people’s brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, we figured we’d get the rest of our memorializing out of the way, big-box style. More convenient that way.

So, yes, we remember all the fallen soldiers who, along with their families, were bamboozled into thinking their death helped keep the rest of us “free.” They did indeed die on behalf of defending American values, like low gas prices and 24-hour streaming of our favorite TV shows. Thank you, and we’re sorry for all the lies you were told – like, you were a “hero.” But your bravery will certainly be remembered and appreciated while most of us take a day off from work and barbecue . . . → Read More: In Memoriam

Poem: Buried on the Bottom of Page Three

reaction to injustice

Today, like yesterday and tomorrow, brought news from

Egypt, one of our staunchest allies in the region, a country we

Love in the form of billions of dollars gifted to

Their military in a sanitary package

That we call



A judge there, a learned man of honor and integrity,

Decreed that in his refined legal opinion

683 of his fellow Egyptians

Associated with the wrong political party should

Be put to



The condemned, all of them members of the

Muslim Brotherhood, once democratically elected,

Now officially a terrorist organization, were tried

Simultaneously as a single defendant

In the interest of saving



When the American people learned that their precious

Tax dollars were being used to support

Murderous regimes in Egypt – and everywhere else –

Cries of outrage did not rise

Above the usual


. . . → Read More: Poem: Buried on the Bottom of Page Three

Ignorance is Bliss When Justice Must Be Done

Capital Punishment question


Proponents of state-sponsored murder, the eye-for-an-eye mob who subscribe to the “killing people who kill people to show that killing is wrong” school of thought, had a rough week. PR-wise. Oh, they still won. They got their version of justice. They saw a vicious and dangerous criminal in Oklahoma get what he deserved. He was put to death. By (eventually) lethal injection.

But it didn’t look good. Took the criminal a long time to die. Witnesses saw him writhing and struggling. Suffering.

See, that’s the bad part. Not that he suffered – he sure deserved to suffer, right? After what he did to his victim? The bad part is that it was so obvious. Now the infuriating discussion about “cruel and unusual punishment” and that . . . → Read More: Ignorance is Bliss When Justice Must Be Done

Our Newly Discovered Ability to Work Within the Preferred Limits

twitter propaganda

Crankiness and advancing age are almost always concurrent. Babies and old people. They’re cranky. Well, we’re getting older (and mellower and cooler) by the minute,


incessantly these days. What sets it off most is a nationwide ADD plague, a country of poorly developed adults who have the attention span of a squirrel in mating season


“syndrome” to go with it. The pharma and Medical Industry mafias have made fortunes off of befuddled man-children who are easily convinced that their shorter attenti


external forces more powerful than their willpower (and brain power). This is not to say that there aren’t some folks with faulty wiring, constructed errantly, with c


the ability to focus on whatever one chooses to focus on. But it’s easier to take a pill and be afflicted than to strengthen the weakened mind muscle. Thus we have a nation


college . . . → Read More: Our Newly Discovered Ability to Work Within the Preferred Limits