Category: Life

Doing Something vs. Doing Nothing

Pick your favorite platitude: You can only do so much. You’re not going to change the way everybody else behaves (or thinks). You’re only one person. Comforting, aren’t they? You are hereby excused from culpability in the grand disaster that is human civilization. May your acquittal be an abiding relief from that weird sense of...

Legitimate Rape, Legitimate Abortion

The phrase “legitimate rape” is now a part of the American lexicon thanks to William Todd Akin, a U.S. Representative from Missouri. Todd, as he prefers to be called, has served in Congress since 2001, and this year he won the Republican primary for the U.S. Senate seat in a crowded field of similarly qualified...

Looking Back on 2012: An Oral History of American Values

I was young like you once. Don’t laugh. It seems impossible, I know. An old codger like me of 77! You probably can’t picture when I was only 47 and healthy, with all my own teeth and a libido that didn’t yet require boner pills. Sure, that was three decades ago, and I look a...

The Grand Illusion

The purpose of life is to work. The purpose of life is to play. Or, there is no purpose to life. These are schools of thought that you may or may not subscribe to. You might have been in one camp and moved to another. You may change your mind every time something good happens...

Poem: Comfort

Does having a certain system, an order of things when I shower, give me comfort? I suppose it does. The sequence is the sacrament. Starting with the shaving cream (the soap in a can that comes out foamy, not creamy in any way except linguistically), left to soak in the bristly beard while other duties are...

An Inspiring Friend

My dearest friend, my wife, is in Africa at the moment, enjoying what we shall delicately refer to as a birthday of significance. Having gone through this getting older thing, I know that it’s easy to get caught up in mathematics – fractions, mostly – figuring what’s gone and what remains. When you arrive at a certain...

On the Death of a Child

A daughter has died. She was also a wife and a mother and a sister. She was 41. She follows to the grave a brother, who died in a car accident when he was 18. What does one say to her parents? How flimsy and impotent words seem in the face of these outrages, when the natural...

Aphorisms, Epigrams, and Such

The truly wise man aspires to be ignorant. Women who say they prefer chocolate to sex either have bad sex lives or exceptionally great chocolate. Male nipples simultaneously disprove evolution and intelligent design. Marriage is the most reliable curative for hopelessly incurable romantics. People who frequently “need to vent” to friends usually have previously failed to...

Free to Be Disconnected

If you’re reading this essay on MichaelKonik.com, you know that this is a reliable place to find “me,” the me who shares his ideas with the world, whether or not any part of the world is interested. This is where I unilaterally invade my privacy, allowing strangers to read my mind, exposing my beliefs and...