Originally posted April 15th, 2012
By Michael Konik
North Korea is launching rockets, Syria is slaughtering its citizens, and the Filipino community is organizing a massive get-out-the-vote campaign for a crucial election (not for something boring and unimportant like a public office but a cause that’s got folks passionately engaged: the American Idol finals). So the astonishingly weird five-game suspension of Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen — for comments emanating from his mouth — came and went with little comment.
Principles like free speech, you see, are “important” according to moldy textbooks, but, really, let’s be honest: it’s hard to care about silly old constitutional precepts like the First Amendment when we’re permitted to express our opinions in the form of Facebook “likes.” Plus, Ozzie offended a whole bunch of people, and there’s got to be some punishment for that, right?
For those who missed the imbroglio, what the baseball skipper said was that he loved . . . → Read More: Suspension of Disbelievers
Originally posted March 25th, 2012
By Michael Konik
Outrageous. Horrifying. Disgusting.
These were some of the adjectives hurled in the press when news broke that the former world champions of football, the New Orleans Saints, for years had instituted a bounty system that rewarded their players for knocking opponents out the game. Players contributed to an in-house pool and collected $1,000-$1,500 when they scored a knockout. Hitting someone so hard that they required a stretcher or motorized cart to be removed from the field earned a special commendation.
The National Football League, presenters of America’s favorite gladiatorial spectacle, handed down sentences to the malefactors. The General Manager and an assistant coach were suspended without pay for about half the upcoming season. The head coach, Sean Payton, was banned for the entire year. And in a maneuver eerily reminiscent of the Soviet Gulag, the former defensive coordinator and alleged mastermind of the bounty program, Greg Williams, . . . → Read More: Violence Voyeurism
Originally posted February 5th, 2012
By Michael Konik
We pause today from our usual examination of Things That Matter (or at least sometimes seem to) and turn our focus to something that actually really does matter, something that matters profoundly, and to more people than we can probably imagine: football.
Although our feeble, cannabis-influenced brain can’t properly formulate a satisfying answer to the question one asks whenever one sees a football game on television – who are these people, tens of thousands of them, spending big money to sit out in the cold to watch a spectacle that is enjoyed in comfort and as a drastically more comprehensive viewing experience when consumed at home on basic cable? – we can answer a few other questions.
Wait. Is MichaelKonik.com an authority on the subject? Let’s put it this way: if not for football, there wouldn’t be a MichaelKonik.com, where we freely share super interesting essays (to . . . → Read More: The Clock Manager
Originally posted December 11th, 2011
By Michael Konik
Marx famously thought that religion was the opiate of the masses. If he were around today he could safely add sports and every other form of entertainment to the societal apothecary. We pay burly fellows like Albert Pujols more than $25 million a year to hit baseballs and petite ones like Tom Cruise about the same to look handsome while dangling from skyscrapers.
They deserve every penny, and maybe more. Our court jesters and fools don’t merely distract us from the gloom and anxiety of a fully examined life. They fill our spiritual emptiness with comforting narratives, gracefully lending what feels like meaning to the unsolvable mystery of existence – sort of like what religion does for the naïve and credulous among us. And for that we’re grateful.
The ancients had Talmudic scholars. We moderns have sports talk radio and TMZ. Since there’s always something to argue . . . → Read More: Tom Sawyer Syndrome
Originally posted November 13th, 2011
By Michael Konik
The tragic hero, Sophocles taught us, is an otherwise great man (a warrior, a king) with a flaw that makes him perilously human, which is to say imperfect and prone to terrible mistakes that may or may not involve the family matriarch. Thanks to the magic of theatrical drama, we who witness the tragic hero’s downfall understand that he is us and we are him. The dread and disgust we experience at his failures provide a kind of cleansing (catharsis), and, the Greek playwrights hoped, a kind of wisdom.
“Learn from the mistakes of others” is the lesson. But it’s one that’s easier to talk about than master. Instead, we constantly repeat the mistakes of other — and then find new tragic heroes to feel bad about, whether or not they’re tragic or a hero.
Our latest protagonist is Joe Paterno, 84, the lifelong Penn State football . . . → Read More: Sophocles in Happy Valley
Originally posted September 4th, 2011
By Michael Konik
Life just got better for millions of Americans. The badly paid semi-professional scholar-athletes begin their campaigns this weekend at college campuses around the nation. The extravagantly paid mercenaries of the NFL begin theirs next. Are you ready for some football?! Of course you are. Our corporate overlords wouldn’t have it any other way.
Bread and circuses has been a winning strategy for centuries. Give the people pizza and a spectacle. And some beer. All the niggling, disturbing, troublesome stuff – like, say, social justice – suddenly seems a little less important, especially when our collective frustration and urge to act out violently is manifested in brilliant HD color and sound. Dress it up with sexy cheerleaders (a funny word for bodacious dancers working without a pole) and garnish with a generous dollop of faux patriotism. The Roman emperors would approve.
Some of us understand how propaganda works. . . . → Read More: American Gladiators
Originally posted March 20th, 2011
By Michael Konik
This morning in the rain, a pounding torrential rain that punished the streets and those upon them, I walked a couple of blocks from my warm dry house to Sunset Boulevard, where I found thousands (tens-of-thousands?) of people in shorts and sleeveless shirts, splashing toward Santa Monica, more than twelve miles to the west. Most of these folks, soaked and somewhat short-of-breath, seemed unaccountably happy to be out in the elements on their own two feet. (Literally. Several participants were barefoot.) Whenever the rainfall intensified, voices rose from the throng as if urging on a rock band in concert: “Whoooooo!” But it was they who were the rock stars.
At the Los Angeles Marathon, this thing we call “human spirit” was on glorious display. And not just among the runners.
Volunteers, a crew of Sikh men, their turbans and frocks covered by plastic ponchos, distributed freshly cut . . . → Read More: Marathon Watching
Originally posted February 6th, 2011
By Michael Konik
Gamblers will find (significant) value in the underdog, as always, and you’ve got your tradition and all that to augment the genuine athletic quality of both the Packers and the Steelers, so we’re looking for a potential classic of a game, although it must be noted for the records that both teams are among the six NFL franchises that eschew professional cheerleaders, an absence that will be particularly poignant for those whose adolescent masturbatory fantasies revolved around the Dallas Cowboy’s sideline talent, especially since this football game/consumer showcase/paean to conspicuous consumption (which will be inappropriately called a “battle” and a “war” by commentators too drunk on the easy satisfaction of cliche to search for a more apposite description of the action — beautiful mercenaries tricked into mortgaging their physical future? highly remunerated gladiators as disposable and replaceable as the latest Happy Meal? an elegantly orchestrated receptacle for . . . → Read More: Super
Originally posted June 13th, 2010
By Michael Konik
That the United States of America, China, Russia, or India are not favored to win the World Cup is proof that money and might can’t buy you everything. That only one of the global powers (the USA) is even among the 32 finalists is proof that the great powers put their money and attention on subjects more politically lucrative than athletics. Alas.
Originally posted April 18th, 2010
By Michael Konik
When a metropolis wishes to attract a professional sports team to their precincts, the City (obstensibly with the blessing of a majority of voters) offers the team owner attractive financial incentives. These enticements often include newly built stadiums (with copious luxury boxes available for rental) and substantial tax breaks. Does this situation best exemplify…?
We're really sorry about our most recent trading loss. People will say we require more oversight, and, in this case, maybe they're right. It shouldn't have happened, and we'll take steps to make sure it doesn't happen for a third time.
The $4,000 or so ($4,882) of your money that we failed to bring back from our annual company trip to Hollywood Park Racetrack and Casino will in... Read More-->
If you’re reading this essay on MichaelKonik.com, you know that this is a reliable place to find “me,” the me who shares his ideas with the world, whether or not any part of the world is interested. This is where I unilaterally invade my privacy, allowing strangers...
North Korea is launching rockets, Syria is slaughtering its citizens, and the Filipino community is organizing a massive get-out-the-vote campaign for a crucial election (not for something boring and unimportant like a public office but a cause that’s got folks passionately engaged: the American Idol finals). So...
Sometimes our chaotic, unknowable, seemingly random Universe arranges itself with perfect symmetry. In these moments of bracing clarity, authored by a Creator (in whatever guise or nomenclature you prefer) whose sense of irony is matched only by her/his/its sense of wicked humor, our innate foolishness and learned...
Poet Robert Pinsky. Pianist Laurence Hobgood. Text, music, and the moment -- what we hear on the new POEMJAZZ recording is two giant artists making something greater than the sum of its parts. While Pinsky recites his lovely words with his unlovely (but weirdly attractive) voice, Hobgood, the longtime arranger and accompanist [...]
Violence Voyeurism
By Michael Konik
Outrageous. Horrifying. Disgusting.
These were some of the adjectives hurled in the press when news broke that the former world champions of football, the New Orleans Saints, for years had instituted a bounty system that rewarded their players for knocking opponents out the game. Players contributed to an in-house pool and collected $1,000-$1,500 when they scored a knockout. Hitting someone so hard that they required a stretcher or motorized cart to be removed from the field earned a special commendation.
The National Football League, presenters of America’s favorite gladiatorial spectacle, handed down sentences to the malefactors. The General Manager and an assistant coach were suspended without pay for about half the upcoming season. The head coach, Sean Payton, was banned for the entire year. And in a maneuver eerily reminiscent of the Soviet Gulag, the former defensive coordinator and alleged mastermind of the bounty program, Greg Williams, . . . → Read More: Violence Voyeurism