Gays in the Military
Now it’s all out in the open. Now straight people won’t be the only (majority) group permitted to suffer unimaginable indignities, grievous disfigurement and injuries, and painful death while protecting the business interests of those richer than they. Now straight people won’t be the only victims of propaganda that makes war seem like a really cool video game. With the repeal of the noxious “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, now gays too may be conned into believing they are heroes for sacrificing their lives in overseas police actions that provide security for no one but arms manufacturers, oil producers, and corrupt tribal politicians.
Some of our more courageous Christian brothers and sisters — like the ones brave enough to stand up for God at military funerals, reminding the parents of slain children that their offspring died because of our dangerously progressive ideas about homosexuals — will no doubt view the repeal as the onset of apocalypse. But they need not fret. Just as the United States once had special all-black units such as the Buffalo Soldiers, we can take advantage of the new openness and create all-gay units — and not just those designed to entertain their fellow troops with touring Sondheim reviews. We can send ’em to the frontier between Afghanistan and Pakistan. Station ’em between gangs of Sunnis and Shiites in Iraq. Put ’em on the first air-drop into North Korea! Then we’ll finally get a clear picture of the divine wrath that awaits the sodomite sinner.
Gays (and their straight supporters) are rejoicing, finding in the recent vote a trace amount of the egalitarianism that allegedly makes our republic different from all others. But during this cheerful holiday season, when we commemorate the virgin birth of Mr. Christ, homophobes (and their ideological brethren who don’t hate the sinner but despise her sin) should also take a moment to celebrate. Those Bible-reading patriots who believe we should “round them up and kill them all” might just get their wish.