There are many paths to greatness. This is one man’s.
+ Be the son of an already-rich real estate magnate.
+ Enjoy every advantage commensurate with privilege and nepotism.
+ Buy your way into the Atlantic City gambling business, where your “customers” are known as losers.
+ Extract hundreds of millions of dollars in personal profit while steering your casino company toward bankruptcy, stiffing creditors and forcing employees to accept austerity measures (like wage and benefit cuts) while renegotiating better terms for yourself.
+ Between bankruptcies, publish self-congratulatory, ghost-written biographies celebrating your business acumen.
+ Serially exchange wives for younger models.
+ Construct golf courses, skyscrapers, and failed airlines that celebrate your name.
+ Leverage your brand further by whoring yourself out to reality television, where your most famous words involve job termination.
+ Surround yourself with enough sycophants to delude yourself into believing you can and should be the President of the United States, despite knowing less about American history and foreign policy than an average elementary school student.
+ Find a scapegoat for America’s ongoing problems – immigrants – to deflect attention from the quantifiable damage you and your fellow top-earners have wreaked upon society.
+ Flaunt your sexism and racism as gaudily as you do your money.
+ Convince tens-of-millions of unsuccessful people who will never be rich like you that, in theory at least, they too could be rich like you if only [immigrants, the government, Muslims] weren’t taking away their American birthright to win.
+ Pretend American politics is actually a non-contact form of professional wrestling and behave like a classic heel-turned-hero, thereby attracting voters who identify with Hulk Hogan and The Rock.
+ Refuse to ever utter the phrases, “I apologize for my unkindness,” “I was wrong,” or “I don’t know.”
+ Freely share opinions about subjects you know nothing about, like military service.
+ When in doubt, bluff.