How Police With Grenade Launchers Make Us a Better America

Aftermath of Michael Brown shooting, Ferguson, St. Louis, America - 12 Aug 2014As tax-paying property owners who love America primarily for its ability to deliver security to the landed gentry, we were reassured in the aftermath of Ferguson to see that law and order would be maintained properly, with military-grade weaponry. Because when citizens congregate in large (and potentially unruly groups) to shout and wave signs they often resemble invading armies and should be treated with commensurate shows of force.

Recently released audit reports suggest that hundreds-of-millions-of-dollars in used Defense Department equipment were donated to local police forces in every region of our vast democracy. After keeping America safe from terrorists in Yemen, the sophisticated gear is now keeping us safe(r) at home.

Our city’s school district, the LAUSD, received three grenade launchers through the federal program. Whether or not this addition to the teaching arsenal will raise test scores remains to benew ways to stay safe seen. But it’s a terrific first step in keeping rebellious miscreants in line, conditioning them to respect authority before they can grow up and threaten white deputies like demons and wild beasts. The LAUSD was also given a mine-resistant armored vehicle designed to withstand improvised explosive devices, similar to the tanks we saw deployed in Ferguson with such winning results. Never mind that vehicles like this cost around $700,000 each. The cash has already been spent. It’s free for any jurisdiction willing to take delivery. Yes, we understand that money could have bought a very large pile of textbooks (or whatever other pet project you prefer). But how can you put a price on keeping academia safe and secure?

well protected protectorThe Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department, thanks to the federal grants, now owns 1,600 camouflage parkas, 132 snow trousers and several hundred pairs of snowshoes. Living near Sunset Boulevard as we do, this is a great comfort. We haven’t yet figured out what crimes will be prevented with an excellent store of winter wonders, but the general concept of police forces protecting and serving local communities has seldom seemed so heartfelt and gratifying. So holiday-like.

The Los Angeles Police Department received 1,678 high-powered military rifles. The California Department of Fish and Wildlife [emphasis ours] got 86 M-14 rifles. Sacramento police got eight grenade launchers. Nearly 40 cities and counties got tanks. And night-vision goggles. Residents of this state are now better protected from terrorists and protesters (same thing?) and rogue mountain lions.

Even more important, our lawmen are putting the force back in enforcement. You don’t mess with the United States Marines, and you don’t mess with the neighborhood cops.when-did-these-become-these

Unless you want to see this magnificent republic descend into revolutionary chaos, the militarization of local police forces is one of the best things to ever happen to those of us who matter enough to own property. You can probably see how the more you own the happier you are with arms and ammo being shipped to the nearest station house, ready to show who’s boss whenever less accomplished Americans present a noisy threat.

After demonstrating on a daily basis that they’re collectively the most responsible and trustworthy members of society, our police officers have earned the privilege of arming themselves with battlefield gear. No one is more qualified to carry a grenade launcher than someone who carries a gun and wears a badge on his shirt.

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