Legitimate Rape, Legitimate Abortion

The phrase “legitimate rape” is now a part of the American lexicon thanks to William Todd Akin, a U.S. Representative from Missouri. Todd, as he prefers to be called, has served in Congress since 2001, and this year he won the Republican primary for the U.S. Senate seat in a crowded field of similarly qualified candidates.

In a show of civic pride, folks in Missouri are discussing a change of the state motto from “Show me!” to “We’ll vote for anyone!”

Todd Akin is actually a lot smarter than most people think. He shrewdly calculated that by espousing his astonishing ignorance of biology, anatomy and physiology he could deflect attention from his comb-over.

It worked. Now everyone’s talking about the legitimate rape phenomenon and not Akin’s hair.

What no one is discussing is that Akin’s views on abortion, which mirror the Republican Party’s official platform plank, are as credible as his views on rape are incredible. Todd Akin believes that abortion is murder. He got into all the “legitimate rape” mess because he didn’t want to state unequivocally that he’s against abortion in any case, under any circumstances. But that’s the truth. Rape, incest, incestuous rape – doesn’t matter: that little rape baby deserves to live (even if the mother doesn’t).

This “no exceptions” policy is logically unassailable if you believe that abortion is murder. Republicans who claim that they’re against abortion – because it’s murder – but allow abortion under extenuating circumstances, such as rape, are caught in a logical and moral dilemma, i.e., that murder is actually OK some times, such as when Dad impregnates his daughter or a member of the U.S. Military kills an Afghani insurgent. Todd Akin may be an idiot, but his uncompromising views on abortion make a lot more sense than Mitt Romney’s.

Let’s assume Akin knows more about killing fetuses than he does about female ovulation. Let’s assume he’s right. Let’s assume abortion is murder. Let’s not argue about it. Let’s just all agree: abortion is murder. Life begins at conception (let’s say) and everyone should have a chance to be born and see if he can get to be a U.S. Congressman and control the wombs of his constituents.

Now, even though we can agree with Todd and the Republicans that abortion is murder, we’re still staunchly pro-choice. We think a woman should be allowed to choose to murder the unborn child inside her.

We don’t believe every child is a gift from God. We believe some of us would be better off not born.

We don’t believe our species and our planet need more of us. We think we need negative population growth, and the easiest place to start culling is the unborn, especially those that weren’t wanted in the first place.

You might call it a “legitimate abortion.”

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5 Responses

  1. ruishere says:

    Providing medical and surgical abortion services through ae private office is a reasonable goal. Women should feel free to ask questions about abortions, free birth control pills and free gyn services.

  2. slinky says:

    I’ve joined your feed and wait expectantly for more of your wonderful posts. Additionally, I have shared your website in my social networks. People need to read these essays. They’re strong, man. Super strong.

    Keep writing them.

  3. Tam says:

    Now can we just go back to the real issue here – comb-over or caboki?

  4. pedo says:

    You are amazing! Thank you! Knowing that there are still writers like you, Mr. Konik, gives me hope for our society. Please keep writing!

  5. cookle says:

    Woah this essay is fantastic! I love most (not all) of your articles. Keep up the great thinking — because there are lots of people out here who aren’t afraid of provocative thinking (Legitimate Abortion!) and you help them greatly, Konik.

    Legitimate Abortion!