Shiva Singh-Schlimovitz Knows Best

cash furnitureGo to her official site. Right there on the Home Page: “I may not know how to pick husbands, but I know what’s best for our country!

I think she’s being funny? #irony

Facts: The marriages. She’s had three of them, so far. None of these husbands has lasted longer than two years. Kept first-husband’s name for the children (two boys, Babatunde and Irving, now 12 & 13). Left the other two fellows ruined (financially) thanks to unimpeachable pre-nuptial agreements. Famously outspoken. Opinionated. Confident (“I have sixty-billion reasons to believe in my problem-solving ability,” also on her Website). The richest woman in North America – and just behind Gong-Lin Fung over-all.

Shiva Singh-Schlimovitz has a gravity about her, you might say.

She’s someone we should listen to. And that’s not just me saying it, that’s Shiva. “I can help,” she always promises, “if you would only listen.”

You can understand how frustrating it must be for her, knowing what needs to be done, owning all sorts of evidence that she knows better than the average girl about how the game is played. Yet the people who haven’t succeeded at any measurable level, the people who really need the help, her guidance – well, they just don’t listen. You can understand how this is all rather bothersome.

Have you reviewed the Practical Advice page at her site? My favorite: “If you’re jealous of those with more money than you, don’t just sit there and complain. Do something! Do something to make money. Make hoarding philosophymore for yourself. Spend less time drinking, or smoking, or whatever it is you do. Socializing. Just achieve more.”

Her position on the proposed “super tax” on annual dividend income over Y$12 million: “Axe the tax!”

Is she an heiress? “My father gave me and my brother a small stake to get started. Thanks to hard work, good moral character, and, yes, a little bit of luck, I’ve managed to grow my father’s investment several hundred times over.”

Her greatest accomplishment (aside from her babies)? “Creating jobs. Thousands of them.” This really is quite a great feat, because every job Shiva Singh-Schlimovitz conjures from the ether not only makes her incrementally richer, thanks to her perch at the top of the labor pyramid, it also means one less miserable human being sleeping on public streets.

She pays well, too. Usually more than the mandated minimum wage, sometimes as much as 14% above the minimum. She doesn’t have to do this. To Shiva, it’s just a small way to give back to the community. That and the museums she’s fond of constructing, purpose-built to warehouse (and display) her expanding holdings.[1]

Some noisemakers have complained that Shiva’s acquisitiveness shouldn’t necessarily be subsidized by public taxes. But that kind of jibber-jabber usually becomes a whisper and a memory. One of the sixty-billion reasons to avoid disagreeing with Shiva Singh-Schlimovitz is that she views lawyers as nicely dressed toys, interchangeable soldiers that are fun to play with, especially when they’re suing people Shiva dislikes.

Under different circumstances, I would be seriously afraid to write all this about Shiva. Bankrupting enemies is one of her favorite hobbies. Defamation being a serious offense.

I’m doomed, so whatever. Unfortunately, so are you. Everyone is.

more doughnuts for meBut not from climate change, or Canadian hegemony. “America is doomed,” Shiva reminds us. “America is doomed if we do not lower taxes, cut regulations, limit mandated wages, and encourage investment in businesses run by people who know how to run a business. Inequality is what creates achievement. Nations depend on their health – economically, culturally and psychologically – upon the achievement of a comparatively small number of talented and determined people. We must let these people achieve!”

Many smart and forceful people agree with Shiva. Most of them work at a think tank or political action group endowed by her family foundation. Not that it matters. They’re scientists and academics. We can trust them.

And you can trust me when I tell you that the simple solution to all the world’s problems – poverty, disease, violence, all the big ones – is to correctly answer one vexing question: more or fewer?

Do we need more or fewer Shiva Singh-Schlimovitzs?

[1] In addition to art and gems and original documents (two Guttenberg Bibles, a “rough draft” of the U.S. Constitution), SSS has the biggest collection of live, functional kidneys in the world, which she generously displays to the public six-days-a-week, eight-hours-a-day, with no admission charged.

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