Super

Gamblers will find (significant) value in the underdog, as always, and you’ve got your tradition and all that to augment the genuine athletic quality of both the Packers and the Steelers, so we’re looking for a potential classic of a game, although it must be noted for the records that both teams are among the six NFL franchises that eschew professional cheerleaders, an absence that will be particularly poignant for those whose adolescent masturbatory fantasies revolved around the Dallas Cowboy’s sideline talent, especially since this football game/consumer showcase/paean to conspicuous consumption (which will be inappropriately called a “battle” and a “war” by commentators too drunk on the easy satisfaction of cliche to search for a more apposite description of the action — beautiful mercenaries tricked into mortgaging their physical future? highly remunerated gladiators as disposable and replaceable as the latest Happy Meal? an elegantly orchestrated receptacle for our collective violent impulses?) takes place in the spiritual home of Debbie, the sweet and innocent girl at the center of the best-selling porno of all time, a movie starring one Bambi Woods, whose Garbo-like disappearance from the peering lens of fame remains an abiding mystery in certain lascivious sub-cultures populated by gentlemen less concerned than the average bloke with dancing monkeys and singing elephants selling beer, cars, and more beer, or in the wise-cracking babies who obfuscate the reckless wagering involved in “trading,” an American imperative as acceptable and admired as betting on the pointspread is not, whereas betting on “fantasy football” is, so long as those fantasies involve muscular men with Christian work ethics and a propensity to inflict pain on those wearing shirts colored differently than they, which neatly cleanses away any moral residue gumming up our sensory receptors, the whole complement of them, allowing us to enjoy a day that is in many way, figuratively and literally, super.

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