Tagged: humorous essay by michael konik

A Cheap Trick that Might Be Something More

Better than Tristan and Isolde, better than the union of European Nations, the marriage of Form and Content is the zenith of harmonious blending, the devoutly wished for goal of writers and artists and anyone else in the business of making something from nothing — creating, that is — who strive to match message with medium,...

The Grand Illusion

The purpose of life is to work. The purpose of life is to play. Or, there is no purpose to life. These are schools of thought that you may or may not subscribe to. You might have been in one camp and moved to another. You may change your mind every time something good happens...

An Inspiring Friend

My dearest friend, my wife, is in Africa at the moment, enjoying what we shall delicately refer to as a birthday of significance. Having gone through this getting older thing, I know that it’s easy to get caught up in mathematics – fractions, mostly – figuring what’s gone and what remains. When you arrive at a certain...

Living Large

Prior to the dynasty of Bush the Younger, my chief embarrassment about being an American abroad wasn’t that we were a nation of belligerent, imperialist, arrogant bullies. It was that we were fatties. Among the French and Finnish, Dutch and Danish, American tourists were easy to identify, whether or not they wore fanny packs. The...

To Our Investors

Dear Inverstors in MichaelKonik.com, We’re really sorry about our most recent trading loss. People will say we require more oversight, and, in this case, maybe they’re right. It shouldn’t have happened, and we’ll take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen for a third time. The $4,000 or so ($4,882) of your money that we...

Aphorisms, Epigrams, and Such

The truly wise man aspires to be ignorant. Women who say they prefer chocolate to sex either have bad sex lives or exceptionally great chocolate. Male nipples simultaneously disprove evolution and intelligent design. Marriage is the most reliable curative for hopelessly incurable romantics. People who frequently “need to vent” to friends usually have previously failed to...

No Worries, Bro

You’ve talked to someone thirty-or-younger recently, so you’re aware that we’re presently living in the blissful state of no worries. No worries, bro. The problem for those of us who read newspapers and have some time to think is that there seems to be plenty to worry about — if you’re into that whole caring...

JC Coccoli

First time we saw JC Coccoli do her thing, she was wearing catwoman leather pants and making people laugh until they cried. The next time her hair had changed, but the voice, developed in Pittsburgh, was the same. And she still killed. JC is a shape-shifting, slightly strange, consistently funny comic. She’s smart, confident, and...

Free to Be Disconnected

If you’re reading this essay on MichaelKonik.com, you know that this is a reliable place to find “me,” the me who shares his ideas with the world, whether or not any part of the world is interested. This is where I unilaterally invade my privacy, allowing strangers to read my mind, exposing my beliefs and...