Tagged: humorous essay

Democracy, Los Angeles Style

On March 3, Los Angeles held a municipal election. Ballot measures included changing the time of year that we vote, education trustees, and, most important, members of City Council. In our district, 14 hopefuls ran to replace the termed-out incumbent. Only 61 votes separated the top-two, who advance to a May run-off, and the guy...

Save the DHS!

Because of another political fracas between competing brands of The Money Party, your child’s life is at risk. And so are you. And so am I, which is why I’m terrified. Not terrorized, since, technically, no act of terror has yet occurred in my neighborhood of Los Angeles. But frightened. You should be, too. If...

Stealing From Shareholders to Enrich the Poor

Shares of Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer of disposable flotsam, are very likely a part of my vast portfolio of blue-chip stocks. I can’t say for sure. I don’t have time to read financial statements. I have no interest in the month-to-month vicissitudes of my fund holdings. I just know the stock market is going...

Leaders Leading With Leadership

A man named Salvatore J. Cordileone should not be confused with the Godfather of Mario Puzo’s fictional crime family. That would be Corleone. Mr. Cordileone is the leader of a different kind of mafia, the Archdiocese of San Franciso, where he is the Archbishop, the Vatican’s man-on-the-ground in the historically liberal Bay Area. As the...

Good Guys vs. Bad Guys (USA vs. Islamic State)

All of us who treasure the privilege of being Jordanian (or a citizen of any other feudal time-warp that isn’t controlled by Al Qaeda) were spiritually uplifted this week when a squadron of Jordanian airplanes dropped hundreds of bombs on Islamic State targets in what used to be Syria and Iraq. When the bombs exploded,...

Housekeeper Aspirations

When revolutionizing one’s consciousness, a useful question to ask is: Do I disapprove of rapacious greed and selfishness because it’s the root cause of our ongoing struggle to achieve social justice? Or am I just jealous? Most people find it noxious when White Men flaunt their wealth and privilege in the form of conspicuously consumed...

The Righteous Delight of Whiteness

Life is grand. Especially for people who look like me. I don’t make society’s rules, I just benefit from them. I didn’t decide to be a White Male, that’s just the way I was born. You know how it is — especially if you’re Jewish. Some of us are Chosen. Fate, dumb luck. It’s terrific....

How Police With Grenade Launchers Make Us a Better America

As tax-paying property owners who love America primarily for its ability to deliver security to the landed gentry, we were reassured in the aftermath of Ferguson to see that law and order would be maintained properly, with military-grade weaponry. Because when citizens congregate in large (and potentially unruly groups) to shout and wave signs they...

We Didn’t Know

If, like us, you don’t watch much television and, therefore, effectively shield yourself from the indignities of all the marketing/messaging/propaganda used to sell products and “lifestyles,” when you come face-to-face with the fire-breathing beast, your ignorance of Basic Ideas might take your breath away. It did ours. We were forced from our hermetically sealed cave...

The Healing Power of Carbon Neutrality

Terrific news! We’ve discovered a handgun company, Gang Green Firearms, whose entire product line is certifiably carbon neutral. They have certificates that say so. Their pistols and automatics do what all other guns do – shoot bullets that kill living creatures – but, even so, you’ve got to admit that a carbon neutral gun has...