Tagged: satire

We’re Not Qualified

Look, we’re not qualified to discuss the scientific data on the sun. We don’t have that kind of education. That’s for specialists to debate among themselves. All we know is that there’s a strong case for the sun being the “center” of our galaxy and an equally strong case for us, Earth, being the “center”...

More People in Metal Cages = A Better America

EXCERPTED FROM “How The Revolution Started: Essays & Impertinent Thoughts (Eggy Press, 2016) The new rankings just came out. We win again! Of all the nations on Earth, the United States of America incarcerates the largest percentage of its population. Out of every 100,000 people, we put 716 in some kind of jail. No other civilized...

Demoting a Hero

This is no joke. This is an outrage. One of our real American heroes, Sgt. Robert W. Richards, a Marine sniper, pleaded guilty to “dereliction of duty” and “conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline.” He was demoted to corporal. Lower pay. Fewer stripes. At least he was permitted to keep his retirement health benefits....

American Exceptionalism

Patriots who are experts on the matter, including members of Congress and the corporate oligarchs for whom they toil, believe that all of us who are fortunate enough to live here in the greatest country on Earth benefit from a magical phenomenon known as American Exceptionalism. What this means, according to those who have made a...

Freedom for Security: Let’s Trade!

We’re like every other patriotic American: when our beloved country is under attack, as it is at this very moment and every other moment of every day, we’re delighted to sacrifice our constitutional rights. Whatever gets the job done, that’s our view. And if beating Islamic terrorists means being spied upon by our own government,...

Bottled Water is Amazing!

Were you aware that bottled water is “bad for the environment,” “bad for public water sources,” and “bad for your wallet”? Neither were we! It’s pretty funny to think of something so obviously good – so amazing, when you think about it – as inherently evil, or something. Bottled water is, like, one of the...

Sticking Up for Society’s Most Unloved

We’ll never win a popularity contest, that’s for certain. We’re OK with that. To us, it’s more important to do what’s right than to be liked and admired and affirmed. That’s why we feel comfortable sticking up for society’s downtrodden, the friendless, powerless folks who bear the daily aspersions and derision of those who think...

Endorsement: Cardinal Roger Mahony for Pope!

The race is on! Now that everyone’s beloved Uncle Joe Ratzinger, also known as “Benedict,” has stepped aside, leaving the Papacy for a comfortable dotage on Vatican property, where he shall remain blissfully shielded from criminal prosecution for the rest of his days, someone (male) will wield the sceptre and wear the mitre! Who will win the title...

Borat

Now everyone know Borat.  He is number one movie film in America. Nice! Many people, including Jews and women who like to make sexy-time, pay money for learning the cultural exploration Borat make for benefit of glorious nation of Kazakhstan. Great success! Those of us who have known Borat for several years are happy for...

A Modest Proposal to Solve Our Oil Problem

This morning the DJ on the local jazz station delivered a comic lament on the trauma of paying $3 for a gallon of gasoline. He recalled that a few months ago the price had fallen to nearly $2 per gallon, but in recent weeks it had eclipsed the psychologically troubling threshold of three, and he...