The War on Christmas
The War on Christmas is not a fictional narrative promulgated by not-very-bright demagogues and lazy journalists. The War on Christmas is real.
For several years now, we’ve witnessed an orchestrated, elaborately planned assault on one of our country’s top-four most important holidays. The malefactors behind this outrage remain unknown, though we suspect in our gut that the Russians have something to do with it. Whomever is responsible for drawing up the battle plans, managing the logistics and conducting the day-to-day operation of this particular War – well, he (or she, if the Clintons are involved) must be one heartless, mean-spirited SOB with a deep hatred of Christians and all they stand for.
Come to think of it, ISIS might be in cahoots with the Russians.
If you’re a resident of the United States, you may find it paradoxical to live in a Christian Nation that also allows its citizens to worship other (false) Gods, or none at all. Actually, that’s a sign of tolerance, one of the American values that terrorists despise. How ironic – and how heart-breaking – that the people who hate America and wish to destroy Christmas can’t recognize what a peace-loving and kind society we really are. They don’t seem to get that we’re all about family, and freedom. And what better symbol of our core values than Christmas! Santa Claus, presents under the tree, multi-course feasts, baby Jesus, colorful lights – all that is good about our way of life. Aside from our flag, and our anthem, and celebratory fireworks, and baseball, is there anything more synonymous with “America” than Christmas?
This why enemies of the American Way want to kill Christmas. Get rid of one, you vanquish the other.
So what’s to be done? Be vigilant. This War will be won not with one large detonation of overwhelming nuclear power, but with victories in millions of tiny land skirmishes. Now, everyone can be a War Hero, even those who never enlisted in the military, like our President and most of his cabinet. Whenever you hear someone cheerfully declaim “Happy Holidays!” it is your patriotic duty (and privilege) to reply, “Merry Christmas!” Eventually they’ll get the idea: cultural relativism isn’t welcome in this particular manger. (This is also why it’s dangerous to acknowledge alternative holidays, such as Kwanzaa and the Jewish one, with the candles.) By forcefully standing up for Christmas, you’re doing your part to stand up for America.
And the Lord.