Three Theories on Chronic Lateness

Everyone is late sometimes. Stuff happens.

Some of us, though, are always late. For everything. “Traffic” isn’t an adequate excuse when you’re late for events in your own home, or when you’re the headliner of a concert scheduled to hit at 8PM and you roll in, unflustered, at 8:45PM. There’s an underlying reason.

We propose three theories of chronic lateness:

1) Deeply Rooted Passive-Aggressive/Anal-Retentive Syndrome. Only by withholding that which is desired — the late person’s presence — can the child control and monopolize the attention of his parents. Or colleagues. Or audience members.

2) Incompetence. Some folks just can’t get it together. In any area of life. These folks are functionally dysfunctional, and their chronic lateness is a reflection of the chaos and disorganization in every other facet of their existence.

3) Misanthropy. Blithely disregarding the consequences of one’s tardiness is a sign of the profound disregard and contempt for others. They don’t matter.

The worst thing responsible and considerate folks can do when interacting with discourteous latecomers is to say, “It’s OK.”

It’s not OK. It’s a sign of something wrong. Exactly what we’re still deciding.

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5 Responses

  1. jay s says:

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  2. Alonzo Greg says:

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  3. MK Fan says:

    Wow. Love it.

  4. kareem says:

    There’s only one reason for someone who is alway late: They’re a loser!

  5. Vincent says:

    Why did you use it? And how will I use it?