A Celebration of Attorney General Jeff Sessions

Our nation’s newly installed Attorney General, the honorable Senator Jefferson Sessions, from Alabama, one of the five United States that celebrate Jefferson Davis, leader of the Confederacy, on Martin Luther King Day, has been in the news this week. Some liberal blowhards have a problem with a meeting he might have had with some Russian guy.

Whatevers. It’s not like Jeff Sessions is in the caviar business, or that he was looking for a supply chain of cheap vodka. He’s a lawman. Our top lawman. Head of the Justice Department. He got the job because he’s a Law and Order kind of American, someone who knows that our laws are just – exactly like it says in the name of his Department – and our laws protect everyone equally. So long as you enforce them properly.

That’s why we’re here today to say huzzah and hurrah for Attorney General Jeff Sessions. He’s cut through all the mumbo-jumbo and made his Department’s ethos clear: federal crimes will be prosecuted vigorously (other than voting fraud cases involving members of the Trump family).

Sessions has rejected his own Party’s nonsensical “state’s rights” argument, the one that says the over-reaching Feds need to back off and let States and local legislatures decide what they want to do in their own State. Republicans have been chanting this mantra of late, one that started during the Civil War as a better-sounding reason for seceding than slavery. Finally, Jeff Sessions has said to hell with State’s Rights! And it’s about time.

We’re sick and tired of all these marijuana fiends running around free as uncaged birds, smoking their reefer and suckling their vapor pens like electronic teats, acting as though what they’re doing is legal, as legal as smoking a cigarette.  OK, it might technically be “legal” in 28 States at the moment. But in the country I love, the United States of America, cannabis is (still) categorized as a Schedule 1 narcotic, along with heroin. It’s illegal to smoke weed in America, even though Californians think they voted to completely decriminalize marijuana during their last election. Good on Jeff Sessions for recognizing the weakness of a “State’s Rights” argument against infringing on local laws. Not when our children are at stake.

This is a public safety issue. A national public safety issue. We can’t have ordinary American citizens, with mortgages and credit card debt, thinking that getting high is in any way enjoyable, beneficial, or, you know, good. Attorney General Sessions put it this way, “Good people don’t use marijuana.”

No, they don’t. They drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. Good people do what’s legal.

All those marijuana dispensaries the Justice Department and the DEA are threatening to raid in California – and all the other states where pot is “legal” – can be retrofitted to a higher purpose. America will be a greater place when the federal government seizes pot dispensaries and turns them into for-profit cigarette and beer depots, with prices that undercut the Indian Reservation stores. Proceeds from sales will help pay down our enormous national debt and help finance, to some extent, our much-needed increase in military spending.

Respect for our just and exceptionally fair laws will soon be the rule, not the exception. And we all have the honorable Jeff Sessions to thank.

You may also like...

1 Response

  1. Troy says:

    Good job, Now go chug some beer and smoke some stogies!