A Modest Proposal for Solving the Muslim Problem

syrian-refugees at the borderPardon the unvarnished straight talk. Let’s hope the Political Correctness Police don’t drag us away to their multi-cultural re-education facility. But someone has got to say it bluntly: We have a serious Muslim Problem here in the United States of America.

Last time we checked, the USA was still a Christian nation, with Christian values and Christian leaders. Our country gladly accept minority religions, no matter how wacky their creation myths. Always has. But that acceptance is predicated on the assumption that members of these fringe religions and cults will behave properly and conduct themselves decently, in the Christian tradition. We can all agree that Muslims have demonstrated conclusively they can’t be trusted to hold up their end of the bargain. They think if you don’t believe in Allah, you ain’t Shiite. They blow things up. They kill innocent civilians.

Now, some will say, sure, but isn’t that what the U.S. Military does on a daily basis? To that we reply, yes, but it’s in the name of Freedom and Liberty, not a religion. Big difference.

The recent Paris attacks confirmed the danger, perhaps the impossibility, of accepting Syrian refugees in America. You let a bunch of people fleeing violence and resource scarcity come into your country and one of them is just bound to be a terrorist. It’s a numbers thing.

Now, some will say, sure, but didn’t we, the United States, create this refugee crises and therefore don’t we have a moral obligation to help those whose lives we’re largely responsible for destroying? To that we reply, no, our only moral obligation is to our families and our God. Not potential terrorists.

Some of the most successful people in America, including super-rich folks running for President, have suggested ID cards be issued to all Muslims. At least the ones within our borders. This is a fine idea, with its heart in the right place, but very limited in efficacy.  If we truly want to protect our Homeland from Islamic State assassins, we need to close our borders to any and all immigrants from countries that are predominately Muslim as well as to people arriving from predominately Christian nations who identify themselves as followers of Muhammad the Prophet. It’s just too risky to mess around.

Then, to fully protect our precious children from bearded evildoers, we must gather all the Muslims living in the United States – “round up” is too harsh of a term. We must kindly transport themno japs allowed to facilities where they will be supervised and cared for until the War of Terror has officially ended and Muslims everywhere recognize there ain’t never gonna be no caliphate, not on America’s watch.

Since our prisons are more or less full up with dangerous drug users, the next best place to put our Islamic friends would probably be in the internment camps formerly used to house Japanese-Americans during World War II, when the situation was similarly dire to today’s crisis. At present, most of these camps are being preserved as museums and historical sites. Never forget, etc. We’re all for teaching kids valuable lessons about prejudice and racism. But let’s get real: these cultural “attractions” barely pay for themselves, what with docent salaries and gardeners. By repopulating the Japanese internment camps with Muslims (and suspected Muslims), we can guarantee National Security and turn large swaths of property into revenue generators.

Think of the jobs. The economy. It’s a big win for all of us. Problem solved, lemons turned to lemonade, and, eventually, an altogether better America built on enduring Christian values.

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1 Response

  1. Yes, this could be a win for us all…..no doubt.