A Trump Supporter Comes Out of the Closet

forgive them father for they know not what they doIt’s easy for smug progressive types to dismiss “Red State” voters as ignorant hillbillies. Their ideals, most Liberal Elites assume, are drastically different than those held by “Blue State” voters, whose value system, unlike the hicks, is built on educated, compassionate, highly-evolved principles. Democratic principles.

But have you ever actually talked to a Trump supporter? Actually engaged in a dialogue? Not a shouting match in which you try to explain why #BlackLivesMatter to someone who is convinced the entire movement for racial justice is a massive fraud perpetrated by opportunistic white people? Not a high-volume diatribe on the stupidity of the average American? A conversation. A listening project. You might find that some of these folks are educated, compassionate, highly-evolved individuals — with some terrific ideas for making our country great (again). Walls, and pipelines. Stuff like that.

Some of these folks even live in Los Angeles, that alleged hotbed of liberalism, where the movie factories churn out stories that make it seem like being gay/of color/different is somehow “OK.” Some of these folks live in Hollywood, work in Hollywood and, when their Clinton-supporting colleagues aren’t looking, vote proudly for a truly great American, Donald John Trump.

Hello, I’m Michael K. And I’m one of “them.”

Sure, I didn’t come to my senses early enough to cast my (largely symbolic) vote for Trump, but having watched the first few weeks of his administration of the Uniteda set of brass ones States, I can say confidently that our country — and the world — is in good hands. [Insert snarky hand-size joke here; I’m above all that.] Or, as I like to call it, “hands that made billions of dollars.” Finally, we’re getting real leadership from a man born to be a leader of men less successful than he. Go, Donnie!

Don’t even start with the whole “betrayal of Bernie Sanders and everything he stands for” noise. I’m a realist. I’ve watched President Trump act decisively, boldly, as a tremendously successful businessman must — and always with the very best intentions. What folks don’t seem to recognize, although, to me it’s as obvious as his love of America, Donald Trump is a beautiful person. And I don’t just mean “good looking.” I mean, Donald Trump is a profoundly beautiful person with a profoundly beautiful heart, almost — but, admittedly, not quite — on the level of a Mahatma Ghandi or Mother Teresa, courageous individuals who set aside personal comfort and gain to help countless others, just like Trump is doing by saving our country from itself.

I would like to start a trending hashtag: #TrumpIsLove. But people think I’m kidding.

Brandon Miles, Brandon Partin and Michael Miles cheer before Republican U.S. presidential nominee Donald Trump attends a campaign rally at the Silver Spurs Arena in Kissimmee, FloridaHow sad it is, really, when a man who has everything — everything — is willing to give up getting more of everything so he can help the little people, and more than half of the little people don’t have the vision or intellect to see how helpful he’s trying to be.

The general impression many unpatriotic people have of us Trump Supporters is that we’re angry, that we’re constantly enraged and outraged and filled with rage at something (or someone, or the craven thoughts they think). Not true. We’re happy. We’re overjoyed. The CEO of Exxon/Mobil is our new Secretary of State! We’re elated. The only thing we’re “angry” about is not being able to make America great fast enough because a bunch of people with really bad intentions — like “protecting” the environment — won’t cooperate with what’s best for all of us. Especially the most successful among us.

Depending on your entertainment portal of choice, you may have noticed tantrums being thrown over some of the President’s cabinet nominations. These rants typically take the form of people who haven’t been in any way successful at bribing members of Congress suddenly getting very angry at people who have been very successful at bribing members of Congress. It’s jealousy, that’s all. Face the facts: if all of us were billionaires like Betsy DeVos, and we wanted to be in charge of something, and we gave ten-of-thousands-of-dollars to the Senators voting on our confirmation, well, who wouldn’t be in charge? We should be glad that it’s rare to be as rich as she is, or as rich as our President is, because if it were common, who would do the work of teaching our children? Who would guide them through relevant lessons from American history and how to game the bankruptcy laws, among other useful things?

Trust me, friends, I’m not alone. Us Trump supporters will be coming out of the closet in droves. If I can be any kind of example, well, then I’ve served my country —a beautiful person for a beautiful country which is great, since, like our President, I’ve never done a day in the military. It’s not just Republican friends I’m calling on; it’s everyone who cares about the future of our once-great, soon-to-be-great-again nation.

I’ve got school classmates from the great state of Wisconsin, home of the exceptionally kind and generous Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and almost-but-not-quite Presidential candidate Governor Scott Walker, another beautiful person with a giant, compassionate heart, a real softie for almost everyone (except union members). I’ve got colleagues in New York City from the publishing and media industries, both of which could do a lot better job of explaining President Trump’s policies in ways that are not rude, arrogant, or in any way vexing to our Commander-in-Chief, the first person in a long time willing to look the American people in the eye and tell a version of the truth. And I have friends and neighbors here, in Hollywood, who saw DJT’s warm, life-affirming glow well before I was able to detect its healing energy.

I say to all of you: I have seen the light. It’s vaguely orange, and it smells amazing!



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1 Response

  1. Chris Zambon says:

    Clever and creative.