Bold Predictions for 2020

We’ve consulted the elves, fairies, and ancient spirits flitting around our garden, and they’ve offered some insights into the future. We predict:

+ A cataclysmic environmental disaster on the scale of the 9/11 attacks, such as the entire continent of Australia going up in flames, will spark a global revolution of unprecedented size and impact, forcing the psychopaths in power to make immediate, comprehensive changes — or find their heads (and those of their family and colleagues) impaled on pikes.

+ Norway’s Magnus Carlsen will retain his World Championship of chess, beating a Chinese challenger, cementing his reputation as the greatest to ever play the game.

+ Thanks to the same corrupted and bungling mismanagement of the Democratic primaries by the corporatist party hacks who allowed a mendacious reality TV clown to defeat their establishment choice in 2016, Donald J. Trump will earn a second term as President of the United States. (Should the Dems be smart enough to nominate Bernie Sanders, the Trump nightmare will end.)

+ In several States, medicinal psilocybin mushrooms will become the new cannabis.

+ More overseas murder will be committed by American heroes/mercenaries in the name of “defending” the United States of America. Our “wars” in Afghanistan and Iraq will proceed with the efficiency and regularity of a well-managed business. And aside from the (mostly poor) families who send their children into harm’s way, few Americans will notice — unless an oil refinery gets bombed.

+ An angry white guy who can’t get laid will express his unrecognized power and importance by killing large groups of people with his legally procured assault weapon.

+ “The Unexpected Guest,” a memoir about befriending and housing a schizophrenic homeless man, will become an unexpected best-seller.

+ More people will become homeless in Los Angeles — and the United States. Simultaneously, more (mostly empty) luxury condo towers will be built for overseas real estate speculators.

+ The United States will continue to proudly proclaim itself a “Christian Nation” while practicing none of Christ’s philosophical teachings.