I Welcome That Debate

“I welcome that debate.” — President Barack Obama, reacting to the disclosure of a secret domestic surveillance program operating under his watch.

Obama NSA motto“I welcome that debate,” I said to my wife. She had just discovered that I’d been having — actually, that I am currently having and intend to continue having — an affair with one of the hot flexible chicks in my yoga class.

Some bitter friend of my wife’s knows the girl I’ve been cheating with, and she informed my wife by disclosing dozens of private emails, texts, and intimate photos that I thought were being held securely. It was quite embarrassing. I come off as a real jerk. It looks bad. Especially to my wife.Yoga babe

“You selfish, disgusting pig! This wasn’t a ‘mistake.’ This wasn’t a one-night stand with some stranger you met in Las Vegas. This was ongoing! You’ve been cheating on me for years, all Kama Sutra and tantra, and you’ve been hiding it from me all this time. Don’t you have any respect for me?”

“Of course, I do, darling,” I assured her. “But I also have tremendous respect for the institution of marriage,” I explained. “To keep that sacrament holy and sacred, sometimes we have to make sacrifices, give up certain privileges we once thought we were entitled to. That’s how I look at it.”

“What? You’ve been banging Miss Downward Dog for our benefit? That doesn’t seem like a good strategy to protect our marriage, Michael!”

“Well,” I said, drawing inspiration from my man Barack, “I welcome that debate.”

My wife got that look in her eyes that she gets right before she’s about to yell, scream, and commit random acts of physical violence. Then More pornshe hollered, “The time to discuss the validity and usefulness of extramarital affairs is BEFORE they occur.”

I shrugged. “I also welcome that debate.”

The last thing I remember seeing is my wife’s hand cocked beside her ear, holding a frying pan.

When I came to, everything was white and clean. And I had a strange and powerful impulse to forgive my wife, to look compassionately into her eyes and –well, not apologize exactly — I wanted to explain to her that I was awfully sorry she had to find out about me and the yogini babe, but that I hoped she understood why I’d been forced to keep my good works secret: It was all for her best interests, and, also, I hadn’t previously welcomed the debate.

Now I do.

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1 Response

  1. OBAMA: Now, having said all that, you’ll remember when I made that speech a couple of weeks ago about the need for us to shift out of a perpetual war mind-set, I specifically said that one of the things that we’re going to have to discuss and debate is how are we striking this balance between the need to keep the American people safe and our concerns about privacy because there are some tradeoffs involved. I welcome this debate and I think it’s healthy for our democracy. I think it’s a sign of maturity because probably five years ago, six years ago we might not have been having this debate. And I think it’s interesting that there are some folks on the left but also some folks on the right who are now worried about it, who weren’t very worried about it when it was a Republican president. I think that’s good that we’re having this discussion but I think it’s important for everybody to understand, and I think the A merican people understand that there are some tradeoffs involved. You know?