Jersey Limericks

There once lived a man from Secaucus

(the part of New Jersey that’s raucous)

His house was a dump

Befitting a chump

Intending to insult and mock us

His dream was to live in a tower

Symbolic of great phallic power

A spire so tall

The masses would crawl

And grovel and moan and cower

It’s true that we all need a hero:

Attila, Columbus, or Nero

A man with high scores

Conducting his wars

For oil and gold and dinero

When elections came ’round, he took note

He watched his TV, considered his vote

The top candidate

Offered bile and hate

Flaunting for all his ‘copter and boat

“That could be me,” he suddenly thought

Successful, and rich, just as we’re taught

How kind of dear Fate

America’s great

The Presidency now can be bought