Keeping Young Minds Pure

As anyone who has attended a scolding church sermon knows, our children — meaning the children of other people, irresponsible guardians who aren’t as good at parenting as they ought to be — are drowning in filth. Their minds are infected with lewd thoughts inspired mostly by female mammaries, and the sludge that spews from their mouth is laced with horrible words like “shit,” fuck,” and “goddamn.”

The cause of this spiritual corruption is primarily the entertainment industry, which produces movies and television shows that portray the world with far too much realism. Rather than showing how things supposedly “are” in our debased, devil-driven society, filmed entertainment should be showing how things ought to be: a world where people don’t have sex (unless they’re married and attempting to conceive) and they certainly don’t swear out loud (without suffering grievous consequences). Instead, the corrupt greed-mongers in Hollywood and New York cram promiscuous, rough-talking hooligans down our children’s collective throat, making “heroes” out of uncouth adults who use the lord’s name in vain and succumb way too easily to carnal impulses.

Thank God, then, for the American Family Association, based, ironically in Tupelo, Mississippi, the birthplace of Elvis Presley, one of the first white entertainers to shamelessly infect young minds with notions of sex. This courageous and upstanding group, which reportedly has more than 3 million members, is prepared to flood the Federal Communications Commission and the CBS network with complaints should the television company choose to further pollute young minds with unspeakable speech. Swear words, to be precise.

Mr. Randy Sharp- — whose name should not inspire unfortunate associations with bad words — is the director of special projects for the American Family Association. He explained that should CBS show a certain documentary this coming weekend, his 29-year-old organization, which promotes “the biblical ethic of decency,” is prepared to act. “This isn’t an issue of censorship. It’s an issue of responsibility to the public,” he clarified. On the AFA’s Website, the group urges its members to rise up, saying: “This is a test case for CBS to see how far they can go. If there is no outpouring of complaints from the public, they will go further next time.”

The pernicious documentary in question is called “9/11.” It has aired twice already — six months and a year after the attacks — and is slated to run again on the eve of the five-year anniversary. It has won the Peabody Award, among many others. But, come on, is this really something our children should see — or, more precisely, can we risk them potentially being exposed to this kind of programming if their parents don’t adequately police the remote control? (Remember, not all parents are as good and responsible as us.) The documentary began as a quest to follow a rookie firefighter on an ordinary day but resulted in the only known video of the first plane striking the World Trade Center. The filmmakers subsequently captured horrifying (and perhaps inspiring) scenes of rescue, escape, and death. All right, that part’s fine.

What makes the film indecent is the language. It’s indecent because the firefighters, admittedly under a bit of stress, use profanity.

Really, now, haven’t our children’s ears been abused enough? Thank God for the American Family Association. Thank God for the United States Congress, which recently raised the ceiling on fines for indecency from $32,500 per incident to $325,000 per incident. And thank God for the FCC and every other regulatory agency out there who are helping naive Americans understand that the 1st Amendment is a fiction dreamed up by liberal troublemakers, not a license to speak freely.

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1 Response

  1. One of MK’s favorites.