Leadership Litmus Test for White Boys Who R Considering Voting for Hillary When the Rainbow Coalition Isn’t Enuf
Some of our more famously progressive friends — those who self-identify as conscious, liberal, rights-minded pacifists, including “smartest man in the world” comedian Greg Proops – are presently in a political pickle. They’ve pre-declared themselves as Soldiers for Hillary, despite so many stains upon her record you might be persuaded that she was a key player in the ongoing success of the War Industry and Wall Street boondoggle. Clinton apologists, Proops vocally among them, has said, sure, we’d all prefer an Elizabeth Warren or a Bernie Sanders or someone even farther to the left than them, but it’s not going to happen, so let’s all get behind a woman, because it really is about time for one in the White House.
The former socialist from Vermont, Bernie Sanders, officially declared his candidacy last week. Sorry, Hillary. (Sorry, Greg.)
We understand as well as anyone the seductive power of a vagina. If Hillary Clinton didn’t have one, no progressive in his right mind would support her candidacy, especially if given the chance to vote for Uncle Bernie. But the power to rationalize away terrible decisions has been one of the crowning achievements of human evolution. We get it.
As a kind of public service, we offer a brief litmus test for any candidate worthy of earning a progressive person’s vote.
+ Will you grant Edward Snowden unconditional clemency, offer him a formal apology, and thank him for exposing the truth?
+ Will you finally end the utterly failed “War on Drugs,” legalize cannabis, and free all prisoners currently in cages for possessing a dried flower that makes people feel better about life?
+ Will you cut the so-called “Defense” Department budget by 50%, close overseas military bases, unilaterally mothball our nuclear weapons programs, and terminate all CIA-based drone-killing maneuvers?
+ Will you end corporate welfare, end corporate tax avoidance, and repatriate the billions of untaxed dollars stashed in overseas banks?
+ Will you forbid Wall Street to write its own regulations, as do the coal and oil industries?
+ Will you guarantee that your children, or grandchildren or great-grandchildren will see front line action the next time you authorize a military invasion?
+ Will you stop outsourcing the underclass to private prison companies?
+ Will you deal with climate change now, no matter how inconvenient or expensive?
The correct answer to every question is YES. According to Hillary Clinton’s vast legislative and executive record, the answer is a resounding no. On the other hand, she is a woman. So at least there’s that.