Our President’s Version of American Values

Dear President Bush?,

It’s 2011. You’re still in office?

You’ve done a lot of bad stuff during your tenure, which is why a small majority of Americans are willing to vote for someone from the Other party, the one that is all socialist and everything. But no matter how much you disgrace science and encourage prayer, we could always count on you to stand up for American Values. That’s what a real patriot does.

So, President Bush, those of us who still believe in some of the things that allegedly make our republic different than all the other autocracies out there, are really disappointed in how mealy-mouthed and equivocating you’ve been in the face of Evil. We understand that you’re friends with the Saudis and Chinese and Israelis, and you don’t want to be rude or anything. But, sir, really.

When an unelected tyrant orders his armed forces to fire upon his citizens — citizens who were sleeping after a hard day of peaceful, non-violent protesting — the President of the United States of America needs to categorically condemn the crime. Expressing “concern” over the behavior of our Oil Lords is an embarassing equivocation that sends the kind of message one expects from a politician, not a leader.

When 14 of 15 United Nations Security Council Members vote to condemn continued Israeli building projects in disputed territory, a cynical strategy that virtually guarantees more violence and less peace, the President of the United States needs to unequivocally acknolwedge that our friends, the Israelis, are wrong. Not unjustified, just wrong. Vetoing the UN measure is an arrogant provocation that sends the kind of message one expects from a bully, not a Nobel Laureate.

Look, Mr. President, a sizeable and well-organized demographic is talking loudly about “change.” They think that by electing someone different, from a different party or even someone of a different color than you, they’re somehow going to make America a better place, a country we can all be proud of. Maybe if you want to be taken seriously as a great American President you ought to embody great American values.

Or you can just keep doing things the way they’ve always been done. Unfortunately, unlike the Middle Eastern hellholes you’re “concerned” about, we democratically inclined folks here in the USA are permitted to vote. Yes, there’s an election coming soon, sir. Consider yourself warned.