Poem: Ochocinco

A contrite Chad Johnson apologized for showing disrespect to a judge,

a white lady in Florida.

The former NFL star best known for a peculiar and unknowable fetish

with his own number

had slapped his attorney on the ass

in court,

just as he had slapped countless male asses before

in end zones and sideline huddles.

You don’t do that kind of thing in Broward County,

especially if you’re a nigger boy with too much swagger and sex appeal and loads of cool

like you never had to try to be admired, ever, because it just happened naturally,

like a Brady spiral. It happened effortlessly

whether or not you had hair or a diamond stud earring gleaming a constant reminder

to white ladies

that nothing can take the shine off of this here Negro, the one that got 90 days in jail

for disrespecting Circuit Judge Kathleen McHugh. Do not use words like “vindictive” and “personally involved” to describe her style of jurisprudence. She is a great judge, you’ll be told by most white Floridians, because, they’ll tell you, she was displaying superb judicial temperament and an exquisite sense of fairness when she reduced Chad Johnson’s sentence for a probation violation down from the ass-slapping three months to an apologetic seven days (time served).

He apologized and so he was now much less guilty than before. Certainly less guilty of being all smart and uppity. Less contemptuous.

Or Judge McHugh’s feelings were less hurt, less disrespected by a football player way too full of himself for his own good.

Either way, score one for justice. Score one for everything working

the way it’s supposed to work.