Tagged: humorous essay by michael konik

How to Make Yourself Irresistibly Attractive and Attractively Irresistible

Been hiking a lot lately, where what is and isn’t a “fact” seldom is argued. How nice to get away from “the news” — fake and otherwise. How nice to commune with the birds and the trees, basking in the sun, which, incidentally, is in no way whatsoever responsible for warming the planet, since the...

A Trump Supporter Comes Out of the Closet

It’s easy for smug progressive types to dismiss “Red State” voters as ignorant hillbillies. Their ideals, most Liberal Elites assume, are drastically different than those held by “Blue State” voters, whose value system, unlike the hicks, is built on educated, compassionate, highly-evolved principles. Democratic principles. But have you ever actually talked to a Trump supporter? Actually...

“Great!” Chapter Two

“Great!” my new satire of American Values unveiled here last week was such a hit with the people, I figure I might be on to something. Finally, after so many years of comic obscurity, my dark sense of humor is resonating with millions. I was worried that my satire was a bit too on-the-nose, maybe...

“Great!” My New Satire of America

Excerpted from “How the Revolution Started: Essays and Impertinent Thoughts.” I’ve started writing a new book, a broad satire of American Values. Working title: “Great!” Some will find my portrait of a country gone off the rails a bit dark, the comedy too black, the irony too on-the-nose. But in times like these, when a megalomaniac...

How the State Trooper Explains Standing Rock to His Child

EXCERPTED FROM “How The Revolution Started: Essays & Impertinent Thoughts “(Eggy Press). “Daddy!” “Welcome home from school, honey. How was your day, little girl? Did you learn a lot in Fourth Grade?” “Yes, Daddy. I did.” “Like?” “Our teacher talked about the savages who were living here way back when before normal Americans discovered America....

A Tale of Two Sillies

We have two friends who don’t know each other and couldn’t be more unlike. One identifies as a “progressive” concerned with social, economic and environmental justice. The other identifies as a capitalist-libertarian concerned with immigration and security. The second friend, call him “S,” has been  a vocal supporter of Donald Trump from the start of...

Homeless Problem Fantasia

What if – and we know this is far-fetched and vaguely absurd – what if every person in Los Angeles who has the means and the space were to “adopt” a non-violent, non-alcoholic, perfectly harmless homeless person, giving that man or woman (or family?) a place to sleep and bathe that’s not a freeway underpass? What...

At Dodger Stadium

You attend a baseball game once-a-year. You don’t follow the sport or the players. Long ago, when you were a boy, you were a true fan who knew all the statistics and the nicknames, the characters and the storylines. These days, you’re only vaguely aware of who’s starting for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and even...

Evening News Script

Good evening, I’m [insert name]. Welcome to the Evening News. Our top story tonight: [something to fear; followed by expert analysis explaining why viewers should be fearful]. In other news: [something to fear]. In a related story: [something else to possibly fear in the near future]. Commercial break: [insert advertisement for a pharmaceutical product; followed...

Shiva Singh-Schlimovitz Knows Best

Go to her official site. Right there on the Home Page: “I may not know how to pick husbands, but I know what’s best for our country! I think she’s being funny? #irony Facts: The marriages. She’s had three of them, so far. None of these husbands has lasted longer than two years. Kept first-husband’s...