Tagged: humorous essay by michael konik

Elizabeth Warren vs. Hillary Clinton

Liberal acquaintances who support the candidacy of Hillary Clinton – friend of Wall Street, friend of the Private Prison industry, friend of the War Machine – admit that they’re much more enthusiastic about voting for the maverick progressive muckraker from Massachusetts, Senator Elizabeth Warren. Unfortunately, she’s not running for President. Actually, she kind of is...

Harmonizing Every Thread

Five jazz musicians walk into the living room of our house, the music room. They’re getting ready for a gig the following night at an area college. A concert. They each bring their own vibration to the rehearsal, their individual tone. Some cats are lighter and some are darker than others. Some project calm and...

Our Binary Democracy

Multiple-choice decisions can be intimidating. A panoply of options forces you to think about stuff, and that’s tiring. How much easier, instead, to make a simple call between “A” and “B,” between the favorite and the underdog, between chicken and beef, Staples and Office Depot. Same deal with our current version of democracy. After all...

The 2-Point Coach

During the recent end-of-the-year break, we were reminded frequently that what matters most in many of our lives, the thing that rouses our deepest emotions and hottest passion, is football. If you get heartburn talking about the Green Bay defense, consider Nick Saban an inspiring role model, or interrupt family gatherings to announce Draft King...

A Modest Proposal for Solving the Muslim Problem

Pardon the unvarnished straight talk. Let’s hope the Political Correctness Police don’t drag us away to their multi-cultural re-education facility. But someone has got to say it bluntly: We have a serious Muslim Problem here in the United States of America. Last time we checked, the USA was still a Christian nation, with Christian values...

Free Life Coaching

Welcome to your free Life Coaching session. A little bit about me before we get to the more interesting subject of you: I’m “in recovery” from nothing. I have no substance abuse issues. Never been bankrupt. Never been arrested. Height-weight appropriate; free of any chronic physical ailments; all systems working properly. Regardless of external circumstances,...

Investing

To most people, Michael Konik is a poet-philosopher-essayist-thought-leader who used to be on TV. To the investment community, Michael Konik is King Midas. What Michael Konik touches turns to something better than gold: ROIs in the mid-teens. That’s why venture capital firms throw money at us; that’s why brokerages want our business. On the heels...

K2O2: The Venture Capital Pitch

Good afternoon. Thank you for this opportunity. I know your time in the shark tank is valuable, so I’ll get right to the pitch. We’re seeking start-up capital to launch our premium lifestyle brand of Himalayan air: K2O2. As some of you might know from high school geography, K2 is a very high mountain peak...

Killing With Guns, or Any Other Necessary and Permissible Means

Since we’ve collectively agreed that guns are a necessary part of American life, we’re beginning to collectively accept that a certain number of us, the unfortunate ones, child scholars, must die. It’s the price we pay for the privilege of owning firearms and the bullets they propel. Whether or not you think semi-regular campus/church/Cineplex/school-shootings are...

Anything’s Possible

Anything’s possible. And that’s what’s so great about being alive at this particularly time in human history, when we’ve advanced so far beyond our ancestors that their antiquated ways of thinking seem mildly pathetic and our fresh, new ways of thinking are bravely innovative. Evolution has brought us far from our monkey origins. Now we...