The Righteous Delight of Whiteness

White-PrivilegeLife is grand. Especially for people who look like me.

I don’t make society’s rules, I just benefit from them.

I didn’t decide to be a White Male, that’s just the way I was born. You know how it is — especially if you’re Jewish. Some of us are Chosen. Fate, dumb luck. It’s terrific.

There’s probably never been a better time to be a white guy. In 2013 – and this is after the economy was fully recovered from the financial chicanery of several white guys in charge of Wall Street banks — the median wealth of white households was 13 times that of black households. This data was provided by the Federal Reserve, so, sure, there could be some home team bias in the numbers. But even if whites only have 10 times the wealth of blacks, that’s still OK with me.

In 2010, the gap was only eight times the wealth. My tribe is making progress.

And not just compared to blacks. Also browns. And other non-Caucasians. White households had 10 times the wealth of Latinos, the widest margin since 2001.

What a marvelous sense of financial security I have being white. With all the gains we’ve realized in the stock market and our real estate holdings, white households enjoy a median wealth of $141,900! Blacks, only $11,000, a 34% drop since 2010.the best card to have

That must suck. But, hey. Winners and losers. Etcetera.

Now, it would be absurd and un-American to put some sort of cap on how much a White Person can own. Obviously, our light-skinned race is divinely destined to produce billionaires, the folks we entrust to run the world. And we’re all better off because of it. But let’s just say, for the sake of respecting minority viewpoints, that black people ought to have three-fifths the household wealth of white families. Yes, more than half. Would it be a slight hardship for us Whites to give up a portion of our wealth to the less deserving low achievers? Sure. But we’d also be that much closer to fulfilling our slave-owning forefathers’ foresight in writing a Constitution that recognized the intrinsic worth of non-whites – and pegging it at exactly 60%.

It’s not our fault that everyone can’t be born a white male. And it’s not our fault that the white males who curate the system – including the half-white man in the White House – have gaffed the game to favor my team. And keep the War Machine running. And the money flowing upward. And the undesirables in their place.

Me? I hit the ethnicity jackpot. Good thing it’s true what some of my black friends say when they’re discriminated against: “You can’t choose the color of your skin.”

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